Nighttime Comics Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Television's top entertainers spent the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's just launched visa initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys each thing he handles."

Colbert's target was the new plan that permits international individuals to buy U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for five million. The program's website promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to rich applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, with hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.